Where to begin....

I wasn't always overweight. When I was a young child, I was pretty proportionate for my age. I played soccer year round, and was a happy go lucky kid. Somewhere around the 4th or 5th grade year of school, I began to put on the weight.

At the age of 12, it was very difficult going through 5th and 6th grade, and then on to Junior high and eventually High school. I stopped playing soccer when it became so much of a chore, that it was no longer fun. My parents had my thyroid checked trying to figure out what made me quickly gain weight like I was. Nothing seemed to be wrong. Everything checked out, just gained weight.

Junior high was cruel at times, but I had a group of great friends and an amazing best friend who was supportive through it all. I also had started playing trombone in 6th grade, so I had music to keep my mind occupied. It didn't compensate for the low self esteem that came along with being fat. Deep down, I always wished I could have worn the clothes my friends wore. There were even times, that I wished I had the body to wear the skimpy outfits. Not that I ever would have, I was too modest and a goody too shoes, but I wished that I could have had the body to even have it be a possibility, even a possibility I'd never have taken up on.

High school was pretty well the same. I was in marching band, pep band, concert band, jazz band, and honor band. I was so occupied I made sure to have my schedule jam packed so maybe I wouldn't have noticed the self esteem issues that were deep down inside. But everything a big important event would come along that every high school girl would be so excited and anxious for, prom, winterball, etc. I never had a date, and I never felt worthy enough to be in a dress appropriate for the dances. I missed every single one, and as much as I was okay with it then, I regret it now.

Summer of 2006, I went off to college, and being broke, young and stupid, I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast lunch and dinner, and downed it all with vodka when I was in town with my friends. The lack of any care for my body, self worth or self esteem, I dropped weight.

When I left college and got home summer of 2007, I had discovered I was pregnant. Morning sickness kicked in almost immediately after, and the severity of it resulted in me losing almost 65 lbs. Needless to say, all of that weight and then some came back as soon as I could eat and drink again. Not that I had appropriately lost weight before, but the gaining of it all back even being pregnant was a little depressing.

After having a baby, the intentions of losing weight were always there. But so were the excuses:
•baby is sleeping, so I need to sleep. •college homework
•working another shift
•I'll get to it later.
You name it, I probably found a reason.

Four and a half years later, and every excuse imaginable, I met my husband. When we began dating, he told me that size didn't matter. He loved me for who I was and was happy to be with a girl who had some curve. Even that didn't make me believe it. After being together for 4 years, I became pregnant with my second child. My intentions for this pregnancy were even higher than before to keep my weight down or even maintained. But the stressful life I lived and personal issues at home derailed all efforts in eating healthy and getting enough exercise. So with the weight packing on, and my son being born, I had even more baby weight to lose.

Here we are now, a year after having my son, still trying to grasp a hold on my weight. I'll be 30 in December and I have become exhausted with weight being such an issue. I have cycled through every reason to lose weight: •prettier • healthier • for my kids • for my husband • to be able to do more • etc. But I have suddenly realized that my motivation now, is because I discovered myself again. I realize that I am done allowing ANYONE to tell me how fat I am. To tell me that I'm ugly. To tell me that no one will want me. I am done feeling less than who I am in my heart. I am done being fat. Period.

I want to be able to go jogging, or running even. I want to be able to wrestle around with my kids and not pull every muscle in my legs. I want to be able to live, but most importantly I want to be able to show my kids that self worth and self respect are the ONLY things that matter. Not what your peers think, not what your spouse thinks, ONLY what you think. I am going to become comfortable with myself because I AM WORTH IT. And I will not allow a single person to tell me I'm not.

So I hope you follow me in my journey. I hope I can inspire others. I hope I can show what is working and what isn't. This is going to be a long hard road. But I'm ready! Along this journey, I will share my weight and pants size, which is something I was never comfortable with. But I'm ready to be accountable and make lifetime changes.

♡Leslie♡

☆Pants: size 26/28
☆Weight: 300 lbs